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Funky Leotard Girl

Your trampolining stars

Aries:(March 21-April 19)
Your front drop will deteriorate due to the influence of Jupiter on the house of stars. Or perhaps its that your ass is big. Who knows?

Taurus:(April. 20-May 20)
Beware of Gareth's coaching especially for front sumi. I see ambulances doctors and llamas hair. The cards are very hazy, Emily must be around.

Gemini:(May 21-June 21)
You are going to fail all your exams despite your frantic study efforts. Accustom yourself to wearing a hair net and salting chips, you loser.

Cancer:(June 22-July 22)
Money problems are on the horizon, you spent too much on cheap cider and haribo in Dundee. A positive lifestyle change is in the offing, resist it with all your energy.

Leo:(July 23-Aug. 22)
All your clothes are minging and shall be burnt in a big pyre by the lake. Don't worry though some old hands of the club will kit you out with velour leotards for your everyday wear.

Virgo:(Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Keep eating those Nestle double creams and your sumis will suffer. Your seat drop will reap the benefits however. Choose wisely

Libra:(Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
You arenít much of an athlete but the new eurotramp masks your flabby mid section. Beware of flying throw in pads and the future will be rosy.

Scorpio:(Oct. 24-Nov. 21)
I see a romance on the cards with someone in the club. Beware however that your prey is not interested in you at all. Remember trying is the first step toward failure motto: Never Try!

Sagittarius:(Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Beware! Aisling Smith is after your soul. Bring garlic and a stake with you everywhere.

Capricorn:(Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
A tricky situation will arise this month. It will be a tough nut to crack but with Michaelís ass to help you all will turn out well.

Aquarius:(Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
You will do a front sumi to face leaving you with a waffle like complection. Donít worry you will always be able to join the circus as part of the freak show.

Pisces:(Feb. 19-March 20)
Aisling Ni Mhaoinis will conduct a sťance with the departed via one of the radio headsets from ISTO. Be prepared for poor reception on the other side and also Clodagh piping up on a regular basis.